Lindt Chocolate Isn’t ‘Expertly Crafted’—It’s Actually Full of Lead

By Luis Prada

Lindt, the world-famous chocolatier known for its variety of tasty sweets, has been forced to admit (via a class-action lawsuit) that it may not exactly be telling the truth in its marketing. I know, a major corporation lying in advertising is rather shocking to hear. But please brace yourself for this earth-shattering news.

The lawsuit against Lindt & Sprüngli began with a 2023 report by Consumer Reports which found that 28 dark chocolate bars contained lead and cadmium. Eight of those bars were found to have high levels of cadmium. One of those was a Lindt bar. Another 10 of those bars were found to contain lead—one of those was a Lindt bar.

And so the lawsuits ensued as consumers felt it was the perfect opportunity to go after the company whose marketing claimed that its chocolate products were “expertly crafted with the finest ingredients” and were “safe, as well as delightful.” Lol. lmao, even.

Unless Lindt’s definition of a fine ingredient includes heavy metals that can kill you, the consumers may have a case here. In the suit, consumers say that considering how expensive Lindt chocolates are, you’d expect them to be safer and of higher quality than all the other junk out there. But, much to their chagrin, it turns out that eating a Lindt chocolate bar can wind up with you setting off a metal detector.

Lindt’s lawyers are arguing that words like “excellence” and “expertly crafted” are just “puffery,” aka exaggerations no one in their right mind would take seriously. Then why the fuck did you say, idiot? Say what you mean. Maybe you won’t get sued so hard next time they find loose change or whatever in your chocolate.

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